closet eater

About once a month I get a little down on myself about my weight. I work very hard to maintain my current weight and push myself to overcome a very serious plateau.

It has been a year now and I haven’t been able to hold onto anything below 190 pounds. Overall I think I can be very proud of myself as I have lost 35 pounds total. However I still need to lose about 15 more to be at an ideal weight. I would be happy if I could get down to 180.

So the biggest problem that I have when I get into these funks is, I tend to show it through a binder of bad food consumption. Sweets are the enemy and I can indulge in them like a pro. I eat three cupcakes today, three amazing cupcakes. For lunch I ate a fried egg roll that latterly oozed grease down my chin as I sucked the thing down like a starving Ethiopian child.

The really sad part is that when I do this I often hide it. I will shame eat in the car or behind a closed door. It’s kind of funny but horribly sad at the same time.

I am sure that this will be most notable in my run tonight or even tomorrow when it feels just a little harder than normal to keep pace.

I am such a weirdo.